


Silent Night | Moceit

by stuckwithasnakeboy



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, One Shot, self harm in form of hitting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:41:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28477059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuckwithasnakeboy/pseuds/stuckwithasnakeboy
Summary: Janus picks Patton up on a silent night.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	Silent Night | Moceit

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: implied/referenced self harm (in form of hitting), implied/referenced parental abuse

He had just been driving. He had no place in mind, nothing at all. It was late and he couldn't sleep so he went for a drive to clear his mind of the demons that spoke to him.

It was quiet, too quiet. He wasn't used to it but he couldn't bring himself to turn on the radio. He was stuck with the silence. The voices that had spat at him where now barely there, like the dull sound of the engine. His fingers drummed against the steering wheel. Then they started tugging at the edge of his sweater as he waited for the light to turn green.

Truthfully, he was debating whether or not to run the red light seeing as no one was near when he caught glimpse of someone familiar on the side walk. He rolled down his window, "Patton?"

The teen looked towards him as he pushed up his circular glasses. He beamed. Yes, this was Patton. Sand colored hair, lightly tanned skin, many freckles, and short stature stood in front of him to make Patton Parker.

"Janus, hi. How are you? What are you doing out this late?" he asked, balancing on the heels of his feet.

"I was just driving. Do you need a ride home?" Janus explained, eyes scanning over Patton. His hair was a mess, no matter how many times he fixed his glasses they remained crooked, and the gleam in his eyes seemed a bit dull. He looked exhausted.

Patton smiled. "Would you mind? I normally wouldn't mind walking home but I swear there was a creepy crawling death dealer just a minute ago."

Janus's eyebrows drew together as he reached over and opened the passenger door. Then it clicked, spiders! Patton was speaking of spiders.

Once the door was opened Patton gave the box he was holding to Janus before crawling in. Once he got himself situated he took the box back. Janus knew what was in the box, he didn't even need to ask. It was from one of Patton's favorite bakeries, he must have gotten them that morning.

The car ride was awkward. It was mostly silent beside the yawn that managed to escape Patton's mouth at one point. Things between them were still awkward, uncomfortable when they weren't speaking. It wasn't like how it used to be.

Janus didn't even need to ask the directions to Patton's home. He had memorized them long ago from all the late nights. The sneaking around, the late nights, the early mornings, the fun, the excitement, the thrills, it seemed like so long ago, it had only been two weeks.

Now Patton couldn't even look him in the eye.

It was fine. It didn't matter. It shouldn't matter. It didn't. He didn't care. Lies, falsehoods as Logan would say.

He looked over at Patton for a moment. He was asleep, his head pressed against the window. His glasses at an awkward position because of it. As he stopped at a stop sign he reached over and took off his glasses, placing them in Patton's pocket. As he did this he wondered, why can't you save anyone?

He looked down briefly at Patton's hand that laid limply in his lap. It'd be so easy to reach over and grab it. He wouldn't notice. It would be like it used to be. He couldn't. He wouldn't. It would be wrong.

They pulled into the driveway. He sat for a moment, just staring at the house. In the driveway where two other cars, Patton's parents'.

Janus could tell you what room was on the side of every side of those windows, even with the curtains drawn. He could tell you when they were drawn, at what hour of the night. He could tell you what temperature Mrs. Parker changed it to after her husband had gone to sleep. He could tell you every little detail of their daily routine for it was apart of his routine as well, for so many years.

That was all over now.

He unbuckled and reached over to move some of the hair out of Patton's face. With this out of the way and without the small shadow his glasses cast upon Patton's face he could still see it, the bruises. They were faint and yellow now. Soon they would be gone. His lip was still healing as well, the scab likely to leave a small, temporary scar.

Janus sighed and allow his hand to drop down to Patton's shoulder. He shook his head, trying to force out the bad things. It didn't work. He took a deep breath in and placed on a fake smile. This was something he was good at, acting, lying in ways.

Gently he shook Patton awake. Groaning he turned over and curled up, facing away from Janus. "Mom, it's summer. I don't wanna get up," he said, voice slightly muffled and groggy.

It wasn't summer. It was winter. They were on break. In several days it would be Christmas.

Janus opened his door and got out. He then looked in the back for something and pocketed it. He went back up front and grabbed the box out of Patton's lap before taking the bracelet that had his keychain attached as well.

He unlocked the door and placed Patton's box in the kitchen before going back out to drag Patton himself inside. He opened the passenger door, barely catching Patton as he fell, the glass of the window having been his support. He unbuckled him and grabbed his glasses before he forced him out of the car.

Only then did Patton somewhat wake up. He looked at Janus, eyes halfway open. "Pigeon, where are we?" he asked.

Janus felt like he was about to melt at the nickname. It was Patton's favorite to use. "You're home, Patton. You're going to bed," he answered.

"I don't want to go home," he said, his voice filled with something almost like fear, his words too muddled together to actually tell. "I wanna say with you."

His heart broke. It shattered. He wanted Patton to stay with him too but his home wasn't any better. Still, he said nothing and continued to direct him inside.

Upon entering he closed the door lightly with his foot and directed Patton to his bedroom. He opened the door, wincing slightly as it creaked. As soon as they got close to the bed Patton fell forward onto it.

He looked up at Janus, "Will you sing to me, please? I love it when you sing, pidge."

His mind went blank. He didn't listen to much music that was good for lullabies. He glanced around the room, knowing Patton had a lot of song lyrics hung to his walls. Then he saw one he recognized, one he knew.

"Silent night, holy night," he sang as Patton grabbed a small cocker spaniel stuffed animal off his night stand. "All is calm, all is bright," and he was already asleep. Janus knew it wouldn't take much, he was barely awake to begin with.

He placed Patton's glasses on the bedside table. Then slipped off Patton's shoes and socks before placing his large, fluffy blanket on top of him. He switched in the ceiling fan as well as a smaller fan that was beside his lamp, knowing Patton loved the contrast between the warm blanket and the cool breeze the fans made.

He reached into his pocket and grabbed the small box he had placed there before. He put it on the table, beside Patton's glasses, and grabbed a spare piece of paper as well as a pen. He tried over and over again, wanting to perfectly capture his feelings in the words he was writing but he couldn't. He settled finally for seven small words and placed the small sheet underneath the box.

Janus started to walk out but turned around. He brushed Patton's hair out of the way and placed a kiss on his forehead. He then left closing his door, making sure the house was locked. He walked out to his car, placed the key in the ignition, and started to drive.

He didn't make it far. They started out as whispers but soon they got louder. They were screaming in his ears. His vision had started going blurry again but this time it was from the punch but from the tears.

He pulled over, placed his head against the wheel, and sobbed, screamed even.

He punched the wheel until his firsts turned red, then covered his face with his hands. His body shook with sobs. Why couldn't he get it out of his head? Why wouldn't it just leave him alone? He had already lost the one person who was his world, what more could the universe take from him? What had he done wrong? Why did they have to find out? Why was it that when life was finally looking like it may go his way everything turned south and he was no longer flying but drowning.

Patton woke up. He reached over for his glasses. Instead he grabbed something else. His brows furrowed and this time he actually grabbed his glasses when he reached over. He rubbed his eyes before placing them on. In his lap laid a small box. It could easily fit in his palm.

He opened it. Inside were two rings. They were both rather simple. Both simple silver bands with engravings. One said "his pigeon" the other, "his sky."

Patton knew who it was from from that alone. His lip started to tremble. He looked over at his nightstand. On it laid a note. He picked it up.

What I wanted to ask but couldn't.

He took off his glasses and allowed the note to fall into his lap. He leaned his head against the wall. A tear fell. It was followed by another. That one followed by yet another. 

Had this been a month ago the sensation of tears falling down his face would have been foreign and unwelcome. Over the past two weeks he had gotten used to it, almost numb to it. He cried. He sobbed. It was silent and coursed through his whole body.

But he let himself do it.

He didn't mind anymore, didn't care. It didn't bother him like it used to. It merely reminded him of what he had left, which was just a dark, empty whole in his heart where Janus used to be.


End file.
